


drinking buddies

by ohthelinsanity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, let me have this indulgence, probably a little out of character but well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 21:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2556092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohthelinsanity/pseuds/ohthelinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin thinks Mikasa is Desmond Miles, Mikasa punches a brick wall, and Eren decides that both of them are out to ruin his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	drinking buddies

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a headcanon, posted it on tumblr, then expanded it into a fic, posted it on tumblr, and now I've edited this fanfic AGAIN and now I'm putting it here. So yeah.

Breaths coming out in foggy puffs, Mikasa surveyed the course that had been outlined for her before she looked back over at Armin, who was fumbling with the settings on his iPhone. “D’you think this is a good idea?”

Armin sputtered, flecks of spit coming out in the process. Considering how cold it was, it was a miracle it hadn’t froze. “I did all the physics and math in my head, it’s totally safe,” he assured with several enthusiastic nods. A few others from the bar nodded as well.

It wasn’t often that Armin or Mikasa got very drunk, but when they did, there was often a spectacle.  Much like the one outside the bar and in the adjacent alley that was happening right now. “Isn’t your head full of like, seven tequila shots right now?”

Armin paused, thinking. “Nah, there’s no way I had that much,” he eventually promised, shrugging. “Besides, I’m obviously still more competent than my high school physics teacher, so really, what can go wrong?”

Fair point. Armin was the smartest person she knew. So even drunk, that would still make him like…above average. Which was still suuuuuper smart. “…okay, so run this by me again?”

“Okay, jump on that dumpster,” Check. “Flip onto the fire escape,” Check. “Crawl up the roof, then do a front flip on to the adjacent roof.” Wait. “Back flip over Jean,” Uhhhh. “Back onto the sidewalk.”

Yeah, she might be too drunk for this. “You lost me after dumpster. I think.”

Throwing his head back with a moan, Armin did a little exasperated hop up and down. “Dumpster. Fire Escape. Roof. Other Roof.  Jean. Sidwalk. Don’t care how you do it, just make it look cool, camera’s rolling.”

Her eyes roamed the streets, mainly lingering on the parked cars. If she could flip over one of those cars, that would be cool. When she noticed a car on the street drive by, she realized that would be even cooler. “I’m gonna jump over a car,” Mikasa declared proudly, and she heard at least three people squawk in nervousness. Babies.

“Mikky,” he whined. “Camera, rolling. Audience, waiting. Chop, chop!”

She only had one more question. “Are you sure they’re going to use this footage in the new Assassin’s Creed?”

“Uhhh,” Armin stuttered. “Yeah,” his voice was higher pitched but Mikasa didn’t think anything of it. “Yeah, pretty sure.”

“Fuck yeah.”

“Now hurry up!” he snapped. “You’ve got one shot because I only have 3% battery and I think there’s two cops fast walking their way over here.”

Ah, fuck it. Fine. She’ll just….wing it. What could possibly go wrong?

Reaching over to one of the girls she met in the bar, she nabbed the drink she had asked her to hold and chugged the rest of it, relishing in the warmth it brought. The crowd cheered as she took a running start and did exactly as Armin planned: She hopped up onto the dumpster, flipped onto the fire escape, crawled up the brick building onto the room, flipped down onto the roof of the building beside the bar, paused to see where Jean was standing absolutely frozen in fear, flipped over Jean and landed roughly on the sidewalk, narrowly missing a parking meter.

Naturally, the crowd erupted in cheers, as they should.

Mikasa clenched her fists in the air victoriously. She was awesome. So awesome. She could do anything. She was invincible. “Whooo!” she did another flip back towards the bar and away from the street, and the crowd cheered again. Armin gave her a high five as he started to put the phone away.

“Nice one, Mikky! Bricks are no challenge at all.”

He was right. Bricks were totally no challenge at all. Bricks were nothing. She could punch a brick, she didn’t give a fuck. “Yeah!” she shouted,  before she reeled her right arm back and delivered the hardest fucking punch she could manage, straight into that goddamn brick wall.

The crowd went silent.

And Mikasa did not.

_“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”_

 

* * *

 

Eren’s phone rang at 2:35 in the morning.

At first, he tried to ignore it. After all, it was _2:35 in the fucking morning._ Who in the fuck called him so early in the morning? The only answer he could think of was Jean, and he wasn’t about to leave the warmth of his bed to go pick up Jean from like….jail, or wherever he might be.

But his phone rang at 2:36 and then at 2:40. When it rang at 2:45, he finally gave in and picked up.

“Hello?” despite him being awake for maybe ten minutes, his voice was still incredibly groggy.

 _“Uh, hi,”_ a voice he didn’t recognize lolled over the phone. _“Is this Eren Jaeger?”_

“Yeah?” he said slowly, finally feeling more awake as he sat up in his bed. “Who is this? What’s going on?”

 _“I’m a nurse here at the Trost Teaching Hospital?”_ Eren’s heart leapt up into his throat. _“Your girlfriend’s in the ER.”_

Before he knew it he was already throwing on a pair of pants. “What do you mean? What happened? Was it some kind of accident like a car or something?”

 _“Oh!”_ the nurse exclaimed, _“No, apparently she was trying to reenact Assassin’s Creed downtown on the roofs or something—“_

“Oh my god,” Eren whispered horrified, “Did she fall off the roof?”

 _“No, dude, she totally pulled it off. Your little blonde friend caught it all on tape. It was rad as hell.”_ Then what the fuck was this doctor calling him for? _“But she did get overly excited and she….punched a brick wall. She wrecked her hand. I mean wrecked it. I thought your blond friend was going to pass out when the doctor had to pull her wrist to realign her bones—“_

“I get it,” Eren interrupted, already feeling a little squeamish. But the thing was, that didn’t sound like Mikasa. Mikasa didn’t just…punch walls. Not without an enabler, the only person besides him that she trusted. And said enabler must have been pretty wasted to let her punch a goddamn wall. “How drunk are those two?”

 _“I honestly don’t know how they made it.”_ This nurse sounded awfully amused. He didn’t blame them. Mikasa and Armin were good conversationalists when drunk.

 “I’m assuming they need a ride home.”

_“I think they spent their allotted cab money on a ride here.”_

Eren sighed. Just his luck. “Okay, I’ll come pick up my dumbass best friend and my reckless girlfriend.”

 

* * *

 

Mikasa didn’t know who called Eren, or if he was even called at all. Eren had this weird sixth sense about knowing when something was up, a sense he claimed to have adapted from a worrywart like her. But she was thankful nonetheless to see him open the door to her ER room at about half past three in the morning.

“Hi,” she said meekly, waving her arm bound in a cast—fuck, it really was broken. “My hand broke.”

He looked pretty tired, too tired to be angry. “Hands don’t typically break on their own,” he reminded her, coming over and pressing a kiss to her hairline. “They said _you_ broke it.”

She nodded limply. “I punched a wall,” she whined.

“So I heard.”

“I punched it really, _really_ hard.”

“I can see that.”

“It hurt. Like, it hurt a lot.”

“I bet it did,” Eren hummed, leaning in to give her another kiss, this time square on the lips. “You shouldn’t be so careless. I’m plenty careless for the both of us.”

From over on one of the seats in the ER room, Armin let out a snore, his whole body twitching in the process. “I know,” Mikasa whispered, suddenly aware of Armin sleeping. “I’m usually so….”

“Level-headed? Responsible? Boring?”

“….Sober,” she finished, the word slightly slurred in itself. She frowned. “You think I’m boring?”

“No, of course not! I just thought that’s what you were going to say.”

“….You think I’m boring, don’t you.”

“No, honey,” he sighed, kissing her again. “I wouldn’t spend time with you if I thought you were boring.”

Armin let out another snore just as the nurse came in. He immediately looked at Eren and told him, “Ah, good, you’re here! You can take home Dumbass and Reckless whenever you want.”

Mikasa scrunched her brow in thought. “Am I Dumbass?”

“No.”

She didn’t believe him. Armin was too smart to be Dumbass. She had to be Dumbass. Which was not cool. The opposite of cool. It was warm? Well, whatever it was it wasn’t nice. “I’m dumbass, aren’t I?”

“No,” Eren reassured, wrapping her in a hug. “You’re my girlfriend, I can’t call you a dumbass, even if you are one.”

“You can’t?”

“Nope. It’s against the rules.” She was…pretty sure there were no such rules, but she would reevaluate the situation in the morning.

“But you can call me reckless?”

“Absolutely,” he snorted. “Just remember why you’re here.”

 The nurse looked thoroughly amused. “Everything’s been taken care of.” The nurse’s eyes slid to Mikasa briefly. “Just, uh, make sure she doesn’t get her cast wet, yeah? And—“

“My dad’s a doctor, I’m sure he’ll let me know when she needs to get everything checked again.”

The nurse nodded. “Alrighty then. Have fun with those hangovers, kids.”

“I have to come back?” Mikasa asked as the nurse left again. Eren grabbed her jacket and helped her put it on, opting to leave one arm out of the sleeve, seeing as it wouldn’t fit. She swore he mumbled about dried blood on the sleeve, but whatever. “Don’t I just…rip the cast off when my hand isn’t broken?”’

“No,” Eren said firmly, ruffling her hair. “You aren’t trying _that_ again. You aren’t nine years old anymore.”

“But like...can’t I just rip it off?”

If Mikasa were a little more sober she’d probably pick up on Eren’s exasperation. “We’ll ask Armin about it later, okay?” Eren walked over and shook his friend by the shoulders. “Armin. Buddy, wake up.” He shook him again. “Armin,” he said more loudly, shaking him harder. “Wake the hell up, man,” and he smacked his cheeks a bit.

He finally stirred after one particular smack that colored his left cheek pink. “Huh, what? Where…Eren?”

“Yeah. I’ve come to collect your drunk asses and take you home.”

Armin smiled weakly. “At least it’s not jail?”

Eren shrugged. “Hospital isn’t much better.” He tugged on Armin’s jacket collar. “Up, up, up, time to go. I’m missing out on some important sleep.”

Whining, Armin refused Eren’s tugs, instead lifting his arms up in a welcoming gesture. “Carry me.”

“Dude,” Eren groaned, throwing his head back. “C’mon. Are you serious?”

Mikasa hopped off the ER bed, priding herself that her coordination skills were still a thing. “I’ll carry him.” She could so carry Armin. Drunkenness by damned. Hell, broken arm be damned! She could do anything. Alcohol was amazing like that.

“No, he can walk on his own,” and Eren pulled Armin up by his jacket, only to have a him immediately sway and fall into Eren’s chest.

“I,” Armin said, holding up one finger, “I’m very drunk.”

“Fuck it,” Eren huffed, turning around and kneeling on the ground. “Hop on before I change my mind.”

Armin did so immediately, so much that Mikasa was starting to think he was just trying to get a free ride out of laziness, which wasn’t fair. She had girlfriend rights…right? Hmm. Maybe those were the rules Eren was talking about.

“Come on,” Eren whispered gruffly, hoisting Armin higher on his back, and trying his best to open the door with his foot; it didn’t work, and Mikasa had to use her good hand to help them out into the hall.

“She was amazing! You should have seen her when she jumped off the roof and over Jean," Armin exclaimed, nearly shouting right in Eren’s ear as they walked out into the lobby and towards the elevator so they could get to the car. A passing nurse looked on fondly, clearly not bothered by the shouting. Mikasa wasn’t entirely sure, but she thought that was the nurse that heard her and Armin arguing over the best Star Wars movie while they were waiting for a room.

She zoned out a bit, clutching onto Eren’s sleeve as he guided the two of them through the parking deck to his car. “Mikky?” She finally snapped out of it when Armin called her name, turning her head up to meet his eyes. “What do you say?”

She had no idea what in the hell he asked, but she just agreed. “Sure.”

“No!” Eren shouted. “Goddamn it, were you even listening, Mikasa?”

She blinked, clutching Eren’s jacket a little tighter. “Oh, uh. No. What was the question?”

“I said,” Armin repeated, for apparently, what must have been like the sixth time, “Next time you should _totally_ jump over that car, like you mentioned before?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure, no problem,” she shrugged, just as Eren groaned.

“Absolutely not,” he snapped, pinching Armin’s thigh to try and get him to hop off since they were close to the car—it didn’t work. “I’m cutting you two off.”

“What? How come?”

“Look at your hand, baby!” he shouted, pointing to her cast. “No more Assassin’s Creed reenactments. No more beer guzzling with random strangers. No more arm wrestling contests for free shots—“

Whoa whoa whoa. Hold it. “That plan is fool proof. Men are so dumb and I am the strongest _Ever.”_

Armin nodded so vigorously, his chin knocked against Eren’s head. “She’s right," he told him, reaching over to tug on his ears.

Eren growled, trying to swat Armin's hands away without trying to drop him. “While that may be, I don’t care. You can’t handle drinking together. It was the hospital this time, but next time it really will be jail, and I won’t come and bail you out.”

Mikasa shrugged. “I’ll just call Jean. He’ll come get me. Might even bring me a McDonald’s egg sandwich too,” and Armin snickered.

Eren groaned, reaching into his pocket for his car keys. “From now on, you two aren’t allowed out without me.” He unlocked the car, opened the door, and practically shoved Armin in the back seat. “Ever!” he concluded, slamming the door shut.

“Eren!” Armin called from inside the door. He banged on the window, not considering that it was a possibility to like, actually open the door. “Eren! Eren, wait. Look, just watch the video—“

“Armin—“

“No, watch the video!” he whined, pressing his phone up on the window. “How could you put an end to the Arlert-Ackerman brand? They’re going to put this shit in Assassin’s Creed!”

Hell yeah they were. “I’m going to be famous,” Mikasa beamed. “You’ll see. I’ll be rolling in money in no time.”

Scowling, Eren ripped open the passenger’s door and yanked the phone out of his hands, slamming it shut once more. Slowly but surely, Mikasa watched as his face went from incredibly annoyed to mildly impressed. “Huh,” he said once the video ended. “I didn’t…damn.”

“I know,” Mikasa smiled.

“How did you even _manage?”_

“I’m amazing.”

“But you’re _so_ drunk.”

 _“Alcohol_ is amazing,” Even though sometimes it made her feel a little woozy. And a little nauseous. Woozy and nauseous.

Oh boy.

“I got to hand it to you,” Eren nodded sagely scratching his chin in thought as he re-watched the video, “it wasn’t the smartest move, like, at all, but you still managed to pull it—Mikasa!”

She tried to find a trashcan, but it was no use—Eren was going to have to throw out those shoes.

“You guys are ridiculous.”

As she tried to avoid getting vomit in her hair, she decided maybe he had a point after all.


End file.
